Feeling Like "Too Much" and "Not Enough" at The Same Time
A painful paradox.
When I look back at my life and some of the most painful moments, there is a common thread: feeling like “too much” and “not enough” at the same time.
It makes so much sense that this perspective would lead me down the path of binge eating. I would think “don’t eat too much” and then end up eating too much. I would think that whatever I was eating wasn’t good enough, so I would continue to eat.
It’s a pendulum swinging back and forth between too much and not enough, without any actual measurement for what constitutes “too much” and what constitutes “not enough.”
It’s a pattern of thinking that still impacts me, especially when I get into Achiever Mode and start disconnecting from the wisdom of my body.
My Recent Experience
Life has been busy lately. In a wonderful way, but also in a way that had me unintentionally disconnecting from my body’s wisdom. There was the Ironman 70.3 triathlon in Boise (I wrote about the preparation for it here), then home for six days before heading out on a seven-day Alaskan cruise.
When I got home from the cruise I jumped right back into a massive to-do list, social activities, and more. I told myself I should be rested since I’d just had a lovely vacation.
The reality is that my body has been “on” for quite some time. Vacation was wonderful but not relaxing. I wouldn’t change a thing about it, but I didn’t give my body the rest and space it needed.
My body was sending me signals, but I was trying to override them because I felt behind and like I needed to catch up.
I would look at my list and think “it’s too much” and no matter what I accomplished I would think “it’s not good enough.”
And then what happened? My body did what it knows to do to slow me down if I won’t slow down on my own. It drove me toward eating.
Lights on the Dashboard
I always say that a binge is a light on the dashboard. It tells us that something is going on under the hood. In my case, I wasn’t slowing down or allowing my body the rest and integration it needed.
My brain went to an old neural pathway. That’s not a problem. It’s only a problem if it stays there or if I make it mean that something is terribly wrong.
There is so much wisdom in every binge (or every time you act in ways you don’t prefer) if you’re willing to look for it. It signals that my nervous system is stuck in fight-or-flight mode, and for me, that’s almost always flight.
What Next?
Once we look under the hood and see what’s happening, it’s a matter of resourcing myself.
Getting curious about the stories that I’m telling myself that aren’t true. Spending intentional time grounding myself. Doing the things that I know put me into connection with my body, and the truth of who I am.
I apply the tools I teach my clients, and I share my specific stories and strategies with them so that they can see what this work looks like.
What I Believe
I hold a deep belief that one day I’ll be able to say I don’t ever binge or have challenging days with food. I don’t know if it will be next year or five years from now, but I hold that vision for myself.
I don’t attach to the timing of it, and I know I can still live an amazing and impactful life while occasionally having a moment with food.
I think this is the deeper reality for most people. When someone says they never have any struggles or thoughts about food, they risk making others feel like something is wrong with them if an old neural pathway is reactivated.
What I Don’t Believe
I don’t believe this is a life sentence.
I don’t believe you have to struggle with food for the rest of your life.
I don’t believe your worth is defined by what you eat, how much you eat, or what you weigh.
I don’t believe slip-ups erase progress.
I don’t believe change happens overnight, or in a perfectly straight line.
I don’t believe you have to wait until you’re “fixed” to live a full, meaningful life.
The Learning
When I start to feel like “too much” and “not enough” at the same time, it’s a signal that my nervous system is on high alert. That something isn’t feeling safe.
So what to do? Start with signals of safety. Bring in as many as I can (more on this in a future post). Reconnect with my body. Bring myself back to the present moment. Remind myself what truly matters and what is most important in life.
Most importantly, connect with others. We aren’t meant to struggle in silence. We heal in community.
I’d love to hear from you: Do you ever feel like “too much” and “not enough” at the same time? If so, what helps you reconnect with the truth of who you are in those moments?
How to Reconnect with the Body
If you are wondering, How do you reconnect with your body? What does that even mean? Join me for this month’s Community Connection Chat where I will be teaching about how to connect with your body’s signals and answering your questions.
Click the link below for the details.
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