Why Recovery Isn't About Getting Fixed
The Truth About Healing Your Relationship With Food
I still remember my first binge like it was yesterday.
There I was, sitting on the cold floor of my college dorm room, an open care package in front of me, empty candy bar wrappers strewn all around me. I had eaten the entire box of candy - every last piece. As I looked around at the wreckage, a wave of shame washed over me. "What have I done?" I thought, my heart racing with panic and regret.
In that moment, I made a solemn promise to myself: I would fix this. I would make sure it never happened again. I was smart, determined, and successful in every other area of my life. Surely I could solve this problem too.
And so began my quest to end my binge eating - a journey that would span decades and include trying literally anything and everything. Each morning would begin with renewed determination. Today would be different. Today I would stick to my plan. Today I would be "good."
But today would come, and it wouldn't be different. The cycle would repeat, leaving me feeling increasingly broken and confused. How could I be so capable in other areas of my life yet so seemingly powerless when it came to food? I'd look around at others, wondering how they managed to eat normally, wondering what was wrong with me that made this so impossible.
The Well-Intentioned Mistake
What I didn't realize then - what took me years to understand - was that this very quest to "fix myself" was actually keeping me trapped in the cycle of binge eating. My intentions were good, but my focus was misplaced.
And here's the hard truth: If you are focusing on fixing or ending your binge eating, you are focused on the wrong things.
I know that might sound counterintuitive. After all, isn't recovery all about stopping the behavior that's causing you pain? Isn't the whole point to "get fixed"?
But what if I told you that recovery isn't about getting fixed at all? What if it's actually about returning to the truth of who you've always been - before you lost connection with your body and its signals, before food became so complicated, before the cycle began?
You Were Never Broken
The journey I eventually found - the one that actually led to healing - wasn't about fixing what was wrong with me. It was about discovering that I wasn't broken to begin with.
When we approach recovery as a fixing project, we inadvertently reinforce the belief that there's something fundamentally wrong with us. We see our struggles with food as evidence of our failure, weakness, or lack of willpower. This perspective only deepens our shame and disconnection - the very things that drive binge eating in the first place.
True recovery isn't about developing perfect self-control or finding the right diet plan. It's about peeling back the protective layers that have accumulated over time - layers of coping mechanisms, survival strategies, and beliefs that may have once served us but now keep us disconnected from ourselves.
It's about learning to listen to your body again. Recognizing that those binges weren't signs of weakness but signals from a body and mind desperately trying to communicate unmet needs. They were never the problem - they were always a solution to a deeper issue.
Finding Wonder in Uncertainty
This shift in perspective isn't just important for your relationship with food. In today's world, where so much feels broken and uncertain, it's easy to get caught in patterns of focusing only on what's wrong - both within yourself and in the world around you.
When you feel broken yourself and look out at a world that also seems to be falling apart, it's natural to feel overwhelmed. But what if you could shift what you're looking for? This won't change what's happening in the world, but it will allow you to see that there is still beauty and wonder amidst the chaos and uncertainty.
The same is true for your inner landscape. There is beauty and wonder inside you too - aspects of yourself that have been overshadowed by the struggle with food, but have been there all along, waiting to be rediscovered.
The Way Forward
This is the work we do inside Cultivate. We create a space where you can safely begin to turn toward yourself with curiosity instead of judgment. Where you can explore what's really driving your eating patterns, and discover the truth that you never were broken.
Recovery becomes not about eliminating behaviors, but about cultivating a different relationship with yourself - one built on compassion, connection, and trust rather than control, shame, and fear.
If you're tired of the cycle, tired of feeling broken, tired of starting each day with renewed promises only to end it with familiar regrets, I invite you to consider a different path. One that doesn't ask you to fix yourself, but instead invites you to remember who you've always been beneath the noise of disordered eating.
The doors to Cultivate are now open, and we begin on April 14th. Join us to discover that recovery isn't about getting fixed - it's about coming home to yourself.
Subscribe to the Peaceful Eater for weekly resources, insights and support for your journey with food.